saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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