We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
