Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
