im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
