come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
