I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
