I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
COCAINE IS GR8
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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