I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
