I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
