If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
