just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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