My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
not ubering you a puppy
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
