the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
