it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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