they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
