Umm I'm too high to move.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
