Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
