im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
