I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
