Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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