I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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