i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
