matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm at about main and main street
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
