I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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