Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
