The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
