mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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