May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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