Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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