My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
