i robbed the continental breakfast last night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
