Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
