it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
