Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
