she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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