so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
