she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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