Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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