woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
