I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
