I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
