just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
