I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
