Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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