My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
