According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
