She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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