Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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