Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
