I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
