I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how do flat chested girls get laid?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
