she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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