A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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