p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
