I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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