I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
