I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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